Sorrow is a difficult thing. It colors your world in such a strange way. How can she be gone? It is not something to grasp all at once. If you did it would swallow you. Instead it comes in bits and pieces taking you to that place that brings only tears or deep silence for there are no words to properly describe it. In between the bits and pieces you go on with your life as best you can. For you know she would not want you to stop your daily living. Faith is the thread that gets you through the bits and pieces. Hope in the Resurrection is the truth that sustains you. But nothing takes her place. For God made a place in my heart for her. That place will always be hers, it will always be Megan's.

The Kiss.......There is this beautiful display that happens as the sun drops behind the mountains in the winter here in Marble. I suppose it is due to the tilt of the earth. It is especially beautiful in the midwinter, December and January. Now that it is February and the earth is making its subtle turn toward the spring equinox, it is still lovely but not quite the same in colors.

Out of my kitchen window I can see the Mountains, White House and behind it Treasure. White House is 11,000 plus some feet while Treasure (the first false summit which I can see) is 12,000 some feet. Now for those who have kept up with my experiences in our mountain village might recognize Treasure as the mountain that my chaplain friend had to pull me up with his belt and a rope. So I am thrilled that I can look out my kitchen window and see the point that I climbed and the summit that I stood upon.

Now that it is winter the two mountains are adorned in their winter snow pack. They are magnificent in all their moods and seasonal colors. But just for a very few minutes in the winter as the sun says its final good bye for the day, something quite exquisite happens. The tip of Treasure is touched by the final rays of the day and a wonderful display of pinks, deep mauves, and almost maroon but not quite, shines off the very top of the mountain. It moves me deeply every time I see it. It only lasts for a few short minutes and then the dark of night descends.

I call it the kiss. I call it God's kiss. The sun's final caress of the mountain is as if God brushes the earth with His lips to bring the day to an end. Often when I am tucked underneath the covers of my bed, my final prayer is Holy Spirit sweep through my soul and bring the comfort of soul that only You can bring so that I can sleep in the peace that only God can give. In other words let God brush His Holy lips across my soul, bringing the brilliance of peaceful colors of a day's end.

"But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14: 26-27

The Walk........We arrived back in Marble yesterday afternoon. This morning as I was having my quiet time and trying to get my head and heart around our family's loss, out of our front window I caught a glimpse of two critters running full speed through the spruce trees in front of our house. They were either quite large foxes in their winter coats or coyotes doing whatever coyotes or foxes do. Yes indeed I was back in Marble.

Later in the morning as the sun rose above the mountains I took Starbuck for a walk. The walk was as much for me as it was for her. I needed the solice of our mountain village. I needed its remoteness.

The sky was our brilliant winter blue clear and vast. The sun reflected off the snow revealing the crystalline snowflakes in a dazzling display of bright light. There was the sound of my footsteps crunching in the snow and a bird here and there and the sound of the creek's running water. It was Nature's sound, nature's music.

At Beaver Lake I saw the snow packed mountains in the distance and knew that I had hiked between them and up to the Yule Pass (11,700 ft) in the summer. I wondered what their winter would reveal if only you could get to them. Avalanche danger keeps you from them in the winter.

Then we ran into her. We have a very young lady in our community that walks her little dog every moring. We often run into her or walk with her as we walk Starbuck. She is one of God's masterpieces, sweet, somewhat vulnerable and always kind. She asked me if we had been out of town. I told her that we had returned home to bury our niece. I felt the grief rise just a little but still had control. Then she said, "I am so sorry, what was her name?" The question caught me off guard, I swallowed hard and responded," her name was Megan."

The tears came out of nowhere and I could not stop their flow. She immediately took off her sunglasses (we have to wear them to prevent snow blindness) and wrapped me in her tiny little arms. When she released me for some unfathomable reason I apologized for crying. She immediately hugged me again saying only that she was so very sorry.

Once I returned home I sat on my back deck soaking in the sun as if it was God's Light warming me. And then it dawned on me. She had become Jesus to me. Her arms were the arms of Jesus. Her words were His words. After all if Jesus lives within us do we not act with His hands, His arms, His words if we are sensitive enough to the Holy Spirit?

Yes, Megan was her name.......Megan is her name.......

"Come unto me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls." Matthew 11:28-29