After Christmas spiritual journey, lessons gleaned......
Impressions: Light and shadow
the effort to get to a place
indescribable beauty along the way,
the value of silence,
revelations along the trek or hike
Over the course of the five days, chapter one of the gospel of John as well as a couple of other scriptures have been in my heart. With the guidance of the Holy Spirit I have attempted to put my impressions together.
Light and shadow is a part of every hike with the sun shining around mountains and through trees. The sunlight is a warmer place in winter but the shadows are always a part of the hike. Every journey or trek requires effort to get to a destination. A person simply cannot wish themselves there. No, it is a one step at a time, one decision at a time for one who journeys in the back country. Yet along the way there is indescribable beauty that refreshes the soul and gives strength and desire as well as determination to continue to the destination. However, in particular for me the value of this journey both physically and spiritually lies in the silence.
In the silence I am more keenly aware of His Love, the comfort and guidance of the Holy Spirit, and the peace in the midst of both light and shadow, both effort and refreshing beauty. Out of the silence this awareness must accompany me back into my daily life.
Through the contemplation of John chapter one something that is probably obvious to everyone else spoke itself, if you will into my being. Jesus speaks our human language not just because He is all-knowing but because He came and lived among us, Emanuel. He knows the language of our human tongues, the language of our minds, and the language of our hearts because He came and lived among us, Emanuel. I am sure He knew all of that as He formed us in creation. But because He came and lived among us we can know that He walked our paths and experienced our light and shadows, our efforts and refreshing beauty. It comforts me to know that He speaks my particular language and knows my trek to my final destination because He is truly Emanuel, God with us, God with me.
"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.He was with God in the beginning. vs 1....The word became flesh and made His dwelling among us. We have seen His glory, the glory of the One and Only who came from the Father full of grace and truth. vs 14" John 1:1 and 14
The reflections of a fellow pilgrim.

Lent.....Throughout this period I have been studying our Bible Study lessons and truly contemplating what it must have been like for Jesus being God incarnate, God with us, fully man and fully God. Now this concept alone is beyond comprehension in my mere human mind. It is a quote from this week's study that sums it up; "it takes ears of faith and eyes of faith." And thus I pray, Lord give me ears that hear in faith and eyes that see in faith.
As I contemplated the account of Jesus raising Lazareth from the dead which according to John would directly lead to the cross, I asked again those questions: Jesus, as you were '"deeply moved" as John says, you saw all didn't you? You saw the grief of your friends didn't you? You saw the final hours before the cross didn't you? Did you see those of us who would lack faith or misunderstand things you so lovingly gave us? Yet you loved us anyway didn't you? You loved us enough to keep walking walking walking walking........toward Calvary. You were fully human and knew the cost, yet fully God and knew the cost! I weep and am compelled to pray, forgive me Lord.
Yet this passage also gives us the glorious promise; "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die." Yes, as the song says, Sunday's coming but first you walked, from the day you were born, toward Calvary. The mother in me weeps for your precious drops of life-giving flow. The human in me weeps for your labored breaths. The heart in me takes comfort that, yes indeed, Sunday's coming and one day it will come for all!
Yes, sweet Jesus, give me ears of faith and eyes of faith as I daily walk this kingdom path on earth!

It is the beginning of Lent, the 40 days before Easter.......Starbuck, my faithful yellow lab and roaming companion were taking our morning hike. It was an exquisite Colorado mountain day where the sky was such a blue that it was difficult to find words to adequately describe it. The fresh snow was bright white and Mt. Daly was overwelmingly beautiful! I could not breathe in enough of the fresh crisp air.
We kept the upward tread and I began to comtemplate and reflect as we are called to do especially during this season of Lent. Rather than reflect inward, I reflected on Jesus. The steps taken upward require a little effort especially at our altitude. This led me to ask questions: "Jesus, from the day you were born, you began the walk toward Calvary, didn't you? Did you know even as a little boy, what you chose to do in obedience to the Father's plan? As you grew older, did you see people crucified by the Romans and did the man within you cringe at the thought?

As I asked these questions, I became tearful. We continued our trek up to our goal. Upon reaching the stopping point just outside a friend's house, there was a tractor/ bobcat with a front-end loader. I sat on the front-end loader and looked out at Purple Mountain with the sun in my face. I thought about the temptation of Jesus in the wilderness. All around was silence -- that silence that can only exist in nature. Starbuck found a resting place. My reflection wandered to the end of the tempting of Jesus when the Word said that angels came and ministered to Him. Questions: Did you feel as the angels fed you and tended you what you gave up as the God part came to earth fully man/fully God? You knew didn't you that you were on your final journey that would lead to Calvary? Just three years? How could it be?
As I continued to sit in the silence, I felt embraced by your love and my heart ached a little, maybe a lot. Oh what a price! Oh what love!
Father, forgive me for I know not what I do.

The spiritual rejoicing of a Marble pastor and his wife......Our church is a small historical church that is one of the first things you see as you enter the isolated mountain town of Marble. There is a picture of it on my cover photo. The church holds comfortably 80 people;so as Jon says we will never be a mega church. However small churches hold an invaluable role in a community where community can be experienced on a spiritual level.
Sunday was a spiritual high light of our 5 plus years here. We have in Marble legendary mountain men. I call them mountain men because they have lived in the back country in the simplist of situations and have carved out a life in its harsh conditions. They also look the part with their long beards and mountain practical "wears."

We have worked to develop a meaningful relationship with them because they are part of our community and because they have so many interesting stories to tell. We have received invitations to their parties and have attended them to enjoy much laghter and amazement. At one such party, a particularly legendary Marble mountain man told us as he placed an arm around Jon's shoulder, "as soon as I saw you, Jon and Peggoty coming, I knew there was hope for the rest of us. This moved me deeply.
SUNDAY, this legendary mountain man and a couple of his friends came to church for the first time. My heart was filled beyond capacity. I could tell as Jon welcomed them that he was fighting back tears. I cannot express the spirtual fulness this gave the both of us! Paul, you and your friends touched our souls in a way that can never be measured! As you would say, "we love you, brother!"

Candles, lights and bits of sweet sadness......For me Christmas comes in many shades of emotions, all of which are neither good nor bad but simply what is part of where I've been and where I am. As I have aged I have experienced more of life in all of its expressions; from loss to great joy and all that lies in between.
Every morning during this Christmas or Advent season I have had "coffee with God" by the gas stove with the light of the Christmas tree and soft quiet carols playing. I have prayed and I have been quiet. In the quiet my heart fills with many things. One of those things have been memories that hold bits of sadness and bits of joy. The sadness comes as I remember and for lack of better words, am visited by those who are no longer on this earth.
Daddy comes.....he was never big on Christmas but he was there to make sure we had coined ham ( I still am not sure what a coined ham is or even if I have spelled it correctly but it was good) or pre-tasting the food or just sitting at his place at the table.
My grandparents and special great aunts come. They loved so to laugh and loved to eat and loved to tease and joke around but most of all they loved to be together for Christmas.
Megan, my niece comes most often. She is the one that brings such a sweet sweet sadness. She was only 24 when she passed from this world. The last Christmas I had with her Jon and I surprised her with the pink sweater that she wanted. I had seen her look at it in Wilmington when we visited her. She looked across at me with acknowledgement and a smile that she knew that I had seen her with that sweater. The sweetness with the visits of memory is that I was privileged to know and love Megan. But the deep soul sadness is that I no longer can buy her a present. Tears come. Jesus comes. And I know within, that both Jesus and I share those same moments of love and memories that I have of her. The difference is that He knows her still and holds all that she was and is. I could never have that knowledge. The difference is that He has always loved her and does still and as much as I loved her, I could never love her like He does.
Friend, do not think that I write of a sadness that is despairing! No, I write of sweet sadness. It is born of love and joy that I have had the wonderful opportunity to know and love all of those who have left my life for but a moment. I would never ever trade a single tear for the not-knowing of all these who have come to me in silence along with the presence of the Holy Spirit. I rejoice that I have been so blessed to know so many, to love so many, to miss so many!
"For behold I bring you news of great joy which shall be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; He is Christ the Lord." the angel of the Lord. So God bless you my friend, If you too know a little sweet sadness. It is His coming that allows us to love deeply and to know the great joy as well as the sweet sadness that accompanies such love.

Christmas........I have always said that for me Christmas comes in moments throughout the Advent or Christmas season if you just keep your heart open to hear, to see, to listen. Such a moment took hold of me, if you will, in exquisite awareness just last evening.
Jon, Joshua, and I were invited to a movie and to dinner with dear friends and fellow sojourners for Christ. After the movie we took the snowy wintery drive up to their house with lighted trees along the way flocked by God's own doing. We were greeted in their beautiful home with decorations, music, the smell of food and the sounds of friends gathered.
Then we came together at the table to share the evening meal. Jon was asked to lead the blessing and we all held hands around the table. But there was a wonderful miracle among us already! Our host was and is by the hand of God a survivor of leukemia and the accompaning stem cell transplant received from a 20 some year old who cared enough to be a donor. He has celebrated his one year survivor and keeper of his new stem cells. As Jon prayed about welcoming the Christ Child and about continued well being as well as blessing the food and those less fortunate, I was filled with the presence of the Holy Spirit speaking "Christmas" into my soul. In that moment it was Christmas. We stood before our Lord around a table ever mindful that life is a gift; life in Him is the greatest of all gifts.
It was a quiet moment. It was a full moment. It was a moment of Emanuel, God with us! Such moments once a part of us is always a part of us enriching our hearts and turning us toward Him. So as the old hymn prays forth, "O come, O come Emanuel," I pray let it be so in my life! And may all of us have many "Christmas" moments during this holy season.

Diversion......So Starbuck and I were on our way to enjoy a bit of peace at Lizard Lake. We began our hike at the hot laborious haul up Daniel's Hill. We only include that climb for the added exercise. I was so looking forward to sitting by Lizard Lake and just enjoying the quiet. Weelll, to my surprise, (Starbuck really didn't care), there was a backhoe up on the 4-wheel drive only road doing work just before the lake! Believe me when I say, it is a rare event to see work done on this treacherous Lead King Loop!
My first reaction was irritation. It was man-made noise after all. I go into the back country to avoid such. Starbuck and I had just paused by the river and I thought, why don't we go down there and have our snack and a sort of peace; you could still hear the backhoe. So we made our way down to a spot in which I had never been, found a large rock shaped like a seat of sorts that hung a little over the river, I secured Starbuck by me and sat down with my snack.....diversion.
The river was clear and running, making that soothing noise that rivers have made through the ages; their own music of the soul. It made the noise of the backhoe recede into the background. From my perch on the rock while eating my yogurt, I was watching this aspen tree with the few gold leaves remaining. They actually reflected the light of the sun making them glow. The breeze had each leaf quaking, shaking in a little dance individually of its own. A few would let go of their tenuous hold to the tree and drift to earth in their final stage of life, death, in a graceful and lovely ballet!......diversion.
I was still on the water. It was just God, Starbuck, and me, backhoe long forgotten. I reflected on aging and how that it is sometimes a very difficult process. I said a prayer within my heart that I, like the aspens, could reflect the light of God as they do the light of the sun. I said a prayer within my heart that even if dying became a difficult process that it would in someway be the final ballet for me.....diversion.
Alas, Starbuck and I rose to make our way up and out from the river. I continued to reflect on what I saw and prayed, moved deeply by the Holy Spirit. I thought of all those whose lives that were not, nor ever had been, easy. I thought of all those living in the wretched conditions of war and disaster. And I asked the question within my soul, can the end of life be beautiful like the aspens for all? Can dying be a ballet for all? I heard an answer in my soul, "For Me, child, it is." I began to weep.......diversion.
We are so bound to earth as humanity that we forget that the eternal plan is in the ballet of death where we then meet our maker. In the meantime, perhaps it is simply our call to reflect the light of the Son and dance in the breeze of the Holy Spirit as best we can, in whatever our circumstance.
So friend, you may set out on one trail, but never forget, there are wonderful sights and lessons in the Diversions! May we have "eyes to see and ears to hear."

Power......Our spring has been cool this year yet the runoff of the snow from the mountains was in full glory as we hiked back to the Chrystal Mill and Chrystal City. We do it every year yet I am always humbled by the power the water displays as it rushes over the rocks and edges. With friends "in the know" we saw what I have fondly named, The Secret Waterfall.
Because of the force of the water of the fall it splashed out everywhere and could not be contained. It was wild and touched everything around it creating wet places and slippery rocks. One had to step with care knowing that to slip into the frigid rushing water would not have a good outcome. Yet to stand in the presence of this fall and feel the water hitting your face and body was nothing short of Eden-like. I was filled with awe, a healthy dose of respect or should I say fear, and heart felt wonder to stand so close to such power!
I sometimes wonder, have we lost a little of what the Old Testament refers to as the "fear of God." Due to the great love of Jesus in the New Testament, do we forget, at times that, "In the beginning God created the Heavens and the earth...." This God holds all power and this God cannot be contained! To stand in His presence puts us on ground that is HOLY. To stand in His presence we cannot leave without some of Him splashing in our faces and upon our bodies! This can be a fearsome thing as we are made aware that this is an all powerful, all consuming God. May I not forget to know just a little of the Old Testament fear surrounded by "For God so loved the world that He sent His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." The force of the water splashed out everywhere and could not be contained.......

Sanctuary.....Starbuck and I started out up the infamous Daniel's Hill to go toward the Crystal Mill. I told Jon that we were just going to hike down to some spot on the Crystal River and just sit and enjoy. However, as sometimes I tend to do, another direction "called my name." Or maybe it was just plain old curiosity. So Starbuck and I took off climbing and scrambling through a little brush. I saw a rock that was actually part of a cliff face that looked stable. So I decided to see if indeed it was stable. Stable is important when at the edge of the cliff.
Just behind the rock ledge almost growing out of it was a scrubby Colorado juniper. I thought it best to tie Starbuck there so that in her excitement she would not decide to pull us both over the ledge. I carefully found a place to sit on this rock. Starbuck was sitting behind me. The small branches of the juniper were framing me as if they were embracing me. The sun was warm on my face. The mountains across from my perch were covered in fresh snow. The river was traveling its path through the bend and into the gorge below, singing that soothing song that moving water sings. I could smell the evergreen of the juniper and I was at peace.
The moment became holy. I believe that in that moment a bit of the veil between me and eternity was lifted. I felt at one with my surroundings and more importantly, at one with my Creator. I could not utter words even in prayer that would break the sacredness of that moment. I just breathed and I just sat. I felt a very gentle breeze stir and in that moment, I felt as if the breeze was the finger of God caressing my face. On that rock, over a cliff, embraced by evergreen branches, I found sanctuary and discovered His Holiness in a moment in which I was still and I was quiet.  "Be still and know that I am God." the Psalmist

Extravagant pain........I have a friend here in Marble. I love her and I cannot comprehend just how deep that love goes. I told her that I loved her and did not know why it was such a thorough love! She told me in a whispered voice that sort of love comes from God. She is right.
She is sick, very sick. I was at her home working and visiting. I crawled into bed with her and she held my hand. We said little. Later while others were with her I decided to mop her kitchen. She has a mop but I chose to do it on my hands and knees. As I did so this ordinary act became a holy act. As I went through the motions on my knees I was aware of the presence of the Holy Spirit and I was aware of extravagant pain because of her sickness and because that pain flowed from love. I still call it extravagant pain because this sort of love was bought with an extravagant price; "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son......" Jesus experienced great suffering so that His grace and love could be ours. So to love with this kind of Godly love that comes from the very soul itself is sometimes filled with pain. Yes it is in my words, in my heart, extravagant pain because its very roots come from the extravagant love of God. the sacrifice of Jesus, and the ever "presence" of the Holy Spirit.
I have a friend here in Marble. I love her. I cannot comprehend just how deep that love goes. She told me in a whispered voice that sort of love comes from God. She is right.

The Sound of Music Trail 2015......There have been a lot of critter sightings around Marble recently. My friend has spotted three different moose. Jon saw a small bear cub which means Mama was close by. There have been lots of garbage can attacks from bears and of course there are always the usual mule deer, foxes, elk, etc.

So Jon, Starbuck and I took our annual Sound of Music Trail yesterday. We were going along when I acknowledged bear scat (poop for those not familiar with scat). It was relatively fresh but as we say not steaming which is always a relief if you know what I mean. We continued along and spotted moose scat which appeared quite old, a good sign seeing as how moose do not like dogs provoking them and can be quite mean to dog and owner. As we continued just a little further we heard a rather loud snort! All of us stopped dead in our tracks! I asked Jon if he heard the snort as well, since Starbuck and I were ahead of him. He assured us he did and he was scanning below us to see if he could see the critter making the noise. Then there was the second snort! Seeing as how I was warned by a thrashing, running, snorting black bear a couple of summers ago, I was a little concerned. So I stood a little taller and calmly spoke in the general direction of the snort and said, "We are humans and we mean you know harm. We will not bother you, please do not bother us." Thankfully, Starbuck was oblivious to all of this and did not provoke Snorter!

We continued to a spot in which we took a break and I asked Jon what did he think our snorter was: bear, moose, or elk? He said he did not know and that the snort was more or less a warning that the animal was there and for us not to invade its territory. No problem there. I asked him what would our game plan be if Snorter got irritated. He reviewed the "proper" responses: elk, hide behind a couple of trees to avoid being charged; bear, stand tall and do not run and make lots of noise; moose, get behind a clump of trees that you can circle around because moose are fast and not very nice with their hooves and of course, praying could help. Well, that was certainly comforting.....I voted bear since the bear scat was relatively fresh and it seemed as if our chance of surviving a bear over an angry moose might be 1/1000th of a chance better. Thankfully, Snorter stayed in his or her place and we made a wonderful hike and safe return home.

Life is often like a hike. You go along about your business enjoying the day when God allows a Snorter into your adventure. It is comforting to know with whom your faith lies. For if your faith is in God, no matter what confronts you, we know that the Heavenly view at the end of life's trail is breathtaking and worth the journey!!!!

Back in Marble........this morning I sat in the sanctuary of our church praying for the service that started later. I also took time to contemplate the recent loss of my father. I spoke quietly about that loss in the sacredness of the moment and in the sacredness of the place: I am less. And that is true. I am more. And that too is true. I am complete in Jesus. And that is absolutely true!

Tribute to Mother........ My Mother had the challenging task of being a caregiver. She has taken care of my Daddy who just passed away. She watched the deterioration that accompanies Alzheimer's on a daily basis. She and Daddy became inseparable as he became more and more dependent on her to hold on to his memory and his ability to do day to day activities. He would ask her if he looked good as he put on the clothes that she picked out for him the night before. He took joy from being dressed in the "pretty" things that she provided for him. He would wake up and ask, "what are we going to do today?" As long as he was able, he would help her drive verbally telling her where he saw a park or if the way was clear. But he could not remember how to get to wherever they were going.
He held his own for about three years. Then suddenly, he declined into that other world of Alzheimer's. He kept her up night and day. She tried to be as patient as possible with him. She stood her ground that she would not put him in a nursing home if there was a way around it. She was loyal to those vows, "in sickness and in health". Then he declined so rapidly that he was hospitalized. She stayed day and night by his side except when someone else could give her a break.
I arrived on a Saturday evening. In a moment of rare clarity, he recognized me. I stayed overnight with Daddy to give Mother a break. When she told him goodnight, he made a kissing motion with his lips and reached for her. She leaned down to hug him and kiss him and told him over and over that she loved him. By Monday night, he breathed his last breath upon this earth. She had stood by him. Even though her health was compromised, she was there for Daddy. She was truly in every possible meaning of the word a caregiver! She was a trooper! She showed us all true love!
So Happy Mother's Day does not seem enough! Mother, I am proud of you and I love you! So even though it seems inadequate, I wish you a very Blessed and Happy Mother's Day!

Tonight we sat with my Daddy as he breathed his last breath. Sitting with someone you love as they die is a sacred thing. It is a sad thing and a glad thing. Daddy suffered from Alzheimer's and it was a glad thing that he went to his heavenly home but a sad thing to say farewell to your father.
Alzheimer's is a terrible disease. But not long before he died, he told me on the phone that I was his daughter and that he loved me and that I would always be in his heart. I held that close to my heart realizing that he was sharing some insight and wisdom about the disease itself. Maybe God holds those lost things in the heart of the sufferer to be a part of the Eternal.
I am grateful that he did not have to go to an Alzheimer's care facility and that in my heart, God showed mercy by taking him Home. But it is a thing of sorrow to lose a parent no matter how old you are. So farewell for now, Daddy, because I know that one day we will be together again. And in our heavenly home nothing will be lost, but through the grace of God everything will be gained.

They are here!.......one thing about living in Marble, a remote mountain place, that I have not shared is the importance of the arrival of the hummingbirds. They arrive sometime in April. This is a huge event for us because we consider it the heralding of Spring. We often hear the humming of their wings before we can see them. We get two varieties up here, the Broad Tailed and the Rufus. Everyone puts out feeders and they literally take over Marble in the summer. They will swarm right over your head and by your face to get to their food source. If you hold a feeder really still, they will eat out of your hand. They fight each other to protect their perceived feeder and will sit guard over it. We absolutely adore our hummingbirds in Marble!!

Today as my friend and I were wandering about, we discussed how they should be arriving at anytime! Low and behold, at the end of the walk, we heard the unmistakeable sound of the humming of wings! We stopped, we listened, we high-fived each other and let out a wooooohooooo! The official heralding of Spring had arrived!

My family is going through a difficult time right now with my daddy's battle with Alzheimer's. It is painful to see someone slip into that unknown territory of the brain as it deteriorates. There are really no words to describe it. But hearing that hummingbird today reminded me that the wonders of God are all around us even in our troubled times. We just have to be open to hear, open to see, open to the simple joy of one single moment that reminds us that Jesus promised to never forsake us.........Yes, Marble, they are here!

Good Friday......last night was our Good Friday service here in our beautiful Marble Community Church. There is a woman of God in our community who is suffering with some serious health issues. On a day in which we remember the passion of Christ, she epitomized the way of the cross. God has given her the voice of an angel and she was fortunate enough to be well-trained with her voice as well. Our small choir sang "Lamb of God" by Twila Paris. It was an arrangement that included phrases from "Were You There When They Crucified My Lord." My friend, my God sister sang the verses as a solo.
She was in much pain during the service but when she sang, the church was filled with her voice which could have only originated from Heaven. Her pain was Christ's pain in that from the cross, He knew that this day would come for her. His grace filled her being, allowing her to sing through her pain. And as a result Heaven came down and met us as a congregation at the foot of the cross. As a result there was not a person without tears in the entire church!
There are moments in our lives when we are aware that eternity coexists with our humanity, where the suffering of the cross coexist with grace. Last night was one of those moments for me and I cannot help but be forever humbly grateful that my Lord, Jesus Christ allowed me to share that awareness with my beloved friend and God sister as well as our beloved congregation!

Celebration of a life......I was so very proud of our small historical church here in the midst of the mountains surrounding Marble, CO. We celebrated the life of a long time community member today. She went to her Heavenly home a couple of weeks ago. Our church is small but it was packed with people remembering a wife, a mother, a sister, and a friend. 
A church celebrates the cycles of life. It dedicates babies, marries couples, and commemorates lives that have moved into eternity. So it was today that we as a congregation hosted a family as they remembered their loved one. We cleaned, we set up the fellowship hall, we worked with the family, the florist, and talked with friends of the family. Our little congregation prepared the snacks for after the memorial service. The table was full of food for the large crowd that came for the celebration. I was so proud of our folks. They came through and many worked very hard. The thing that truly blessed me was that everyone lingered and visited for a long time. It was a sign that told me they felt welcome. One guest told me that, "this little church just feels holy."
So yes, as a pastor's wife of a small church nestled between two wilderness areas, I felt a little pride in our folks and a lot of praise for God allowing me to share in the "heartbeats" of a community.

Lady.......My newer jeep, I named Lady. She is a 2008 vs the 1995 manly jeep that I had named the Bob Marly. I had trouble letting go of the Bob Marly. I had formed a certain bond with it and just wasn't sure I wanted to part with it. However after jeeping with Lady in Moab, Utah I have thoroughly embraced Lady!!! She performed marvelously on one lane dirt and rock roads! She crawled over rocks, rode into the bottom of Canyon Lands National Park and climbed out of the canyon on a one lane, dirt and rock road through a series of switchbacks that was awesome and a little intimidating! I even drove her on some of these back roads over rocks in four wheel low and I have to tell you I was absolutely stoked!!! What a blast! Of course while I was driving I glanced over at Jon and saw that he was holding onto the handles over the roll bar with both hands. He said that it was just for support but I think he may have been just a little nervous. When I stopped driving, I made the comment that I didn't do too badly for a person totally blind in one eye......perhaps that was the reason for gripping so tightly to the handholds.
So I have totally let go of the Bob Marly. After all he has a good home with Jon's sister, Jonalyn. I think she renamed him Raven or something like that. So farewell Bob Marly or Raven and HELLO LADY!

I stood at the top of the hill after hiking back from the Crystal Mill looking below me at our beloved Crystal River and resting due to the climb in the soft snow. The soft snow added to the cardiovascular work load. So as I stood there, I could literally feel my heart pounding hard and a little elevated in my chest. I liked this pounding! I could actually feel the strength of my heart responding to my body's extra need for oxygen. Alive, alive, alive, that is what each beat said to me. I was surrounded by heavenly beauty, the air was crisp but not cold and with each deep cleansing breath and each pounding heart beat I felt alive.
By the grace of God and the prayers of His people I have thus far survived six brain tumors, all thankfully benign. I have one itsy bitsy, tiny iny, brain tumor left. I have named it Seven. And yes, you guessed correctly, it is because it is the seventh. We are not going to treat Seven at this point. It is so small we may never have to treat it. But one thing I have learned through the journey that I did not choose to make, life is simply as the scriptures teach, "like a vapor." Yet it is precious beyond measure! God made mankind from the earth and breathed life into him, into her!
So yes I may seem a little crazy on a hiking trail. I sometimes shout out YooWoo for no other reason than I am overwhelmed by God's creation. Yes I may sing the "Sound of Music" slightly off key at the top of my lungs. And yes I may push a hike a little further than intended just because I want to see what is just around the next corner or just because I have made some internal destination as my goal, but I love to feel that pounding of my heart that says you are alive! You are alive!
God saw me in my mother's womb so says the Psalmist. God knew my journey and has walked with me in the "valley of the shadow of death." And when I feel my heart pounding in the midst of His world, I know that I too am a part of His marvelous creation and that I am His beloved! My friend, so are you!

You're the hiker......I was volunteering at the Marble Charter School yesterday when a local gentleman came in. I reintroduced myself to him and he said, "Oh, you're the hiker." That sort of surprised me that he knew me as the hiker. We have really only met a couple of times. I responded after a minute of pause that I was more of a wanderer....
So today I took Starbuck on a short wandering walk in the Old Mill Park which was the site of the mill that carved the marble from our quarry and shipped it out by train in the early 1900s. We went there to avoid the mud from all the melting snow. We were on a hard-packed trail that I knew exactly where it led. I discovered another trail that led toward the river and we, being wanderers, decided to take it. After all, there was no chance of getting lost. The problem was that the snow-packed trail dead-ended.
Not wanting to backtrack, I saw that the trail back to the main mill site was just up a small hill and all we had to do was get past a little "unpacked snow." I looked at Starbuck and thought, how deep could it be? So off we went. Oh well, it was a little deeper than I expected. We were postholing (a term I have learned since moving here) up to my knees. So the little trek was slightly more involved for the both of us than I meant it to be. Not only were we knee deep in snow but underneath were baby trees and fallen buried logs. Once I fell in the soft snow and sank to my elbows. Now try getting up with all your shoes and mittens still in place. I started laughing and Starbuck looked at me as if I had lost my mind and had dragged her where she did not want to be!
The adventure was relatively short and I consoled myself by thinking that I would not need to get on the treadmill because my heart rate had been significantly raised with the new sport of postholing! However, once I was on the road with a much relieved Starbuck, I thought about our little wandering. How many times had God provided the nice snow-packed trail to lead me home only for me to wander off on some other trail just because it was shorter in distance and I did not want to backtrack? I pray that I will seek His path. But it was a comfort to know that I learned a little lesson about errant paths and that God often sees us through those choices as well.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding but acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will make straight your path..." the writer of Proverbs