Life at the top.......We live at 8000 ft here in Marble. So the mountains that surround us are from 11,000 to 13,000 plus feet. Their peaks proclaim their glory above the tree line. Their world is a place unique unto itself. I have been at the top during the summer and know first hand how different each peak is and the life that exists there that lives no where else. So I have experienced their uniqueness.

However during the winter their world is untouchable and I find myself longing to see it up close but knowing that the environment during the winter is not so welcoming to mankind. On one hike I saw the curving outline of a broken shelf of snow that had been an avalanche of some sort on Mount Daly. I stood in wonder that so much was going on up there that we are not even aware of. Did an elk or a mountain goat get trapped as the snow rushed down in a violence that takes life in a moment? We know that well here in Marble. Some people take to the back country to attempt skiing some of these untouched snowy peaks. We lost a skier on Marble Mountain in December in an avalanche.

On another hike I looked back at Whitehouse and Purple Mountains and beheld the wind at the top swirling the snow in swirling wisps and swirling mini tornadoes. The sight of this occurrence as I stood in the brilliant sun amazed me. I even laughed out loud like a child. "Look the snow is dancing!"

I have longed all winter to get back to the range of mountains where Purple Mountain stands out. This longing comes because I hiked below it a couple times in the summer. I want to see it with all the snow pack because it is untouched by man. You cannot get there safely in the winter and I just long to see the untouched beauty. However that beauty is deceiving in that to go there would be dangerous. It is not a country to take for granted. Its beauty lives with danger and requires human respect. It amazes me that "life at the top" is so different and holds in its crevasses a world of its own.

So for now I must wait till summer to once again be at the top. Yet my heart is stirred by their magnificent display! Each winter peak tempts me and calls me by name. "Behold," they say, "We are God's handiwork. Look up, look heavenward, your creator knows all, sees all, loves all. Behold," they say, "God, like our peaks cannot be grasped in His entireness by mere humans. But He opens His arms to all who will come."

"Some of the Pharisees in the crowds said to Jesus, ''teacher rebuke your disciples!"
"I tell you," he replied, "if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out." Luke 19:39-40

So perhaps the mountains actually do "cry out," pointing me to my Creator!

Church in Marble.......Today I went to our little historic church as I always do on Sundays. I did the things I usually do as a pastor's wife. I prayed for the service while the church was empty before God's people arrived. I prayed for those who would come. I acknowledged that God knew my heart and that the loss of my niece was still fresh and the news that my dog, Starbuck, has cancer was close. But for a moment I wanted my prayers during this path to the cross (the season of Lent) to be about all those who would walk through the door.

Jon preached from the gospel of John 12: 10-11. It was the story of Mary, the sister of Martha and Lazarus annointing Jesus' feet with expensive perfume and taking down her hair (which was something women would not do in that time and culture) and using her hair to dry His feet. Jon's theme was, do we do all that we can do to express our love for Jesus. Do we do all that we can do to serve Jesus. As he was sharing Mary's example of "extravagant" love for the Master, he got down on his knees as she did. He went through the motion of letting down her hair as she did. He went through the motion of washing and drying Jesus' feet as she did. It was so very simple but so very powerful. I began to weep as I saw it in my heart. Do I show that kind of extravagant love to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ?

It was communion Sunday and as we gathered around the altar to partake, I continued to weep. I was not the only one. There were the sounds of sniffs all around. We all gathered remembering the path to the cross. We all were acknowledging just how much He has done for us. And yes we knew that He knew our very hearts and shared in the joys and the sorrows that we brought to the altar. He told us that He would be called Emmanuel, God with us. Today in the Marble Church it was truly an Emmanuel Sunday, God with us.

Tomorrow, March 8th would have been Megan's 25th birthday. How does one get use to saying would have been? How do you speak always in the past tense of one so young?

Today, with Starbuck, I hiked up to the top of Daniel's Hill. As I stood at the top beholding all the beauty around me I raised my hands to God and yelled Megan's name to the Heavens. Then I began to praise God with the Holy Spirit praying through me. Then the wind stirred the spruce and fir trees around me making that wonderful whispering sound. I stopped to listen. I felt the breeze touch my face and imagined it to be the breath of God. I felt His peace.......... But my heart still longs for a niece who died much too young. Till we meet again, Megan...........

Saturday our friend, Jon, Starbuck and I hiked up to Lizard Lake. It was a gorgeous day for a hike. On the way up I stepped off the trail to attempt a certain view for a picture. I was perched on the snow when suddenly my right leg sunk into the snow up to my hip while my left leg stayed on top of the snow! I am glad for all those years of ballet because I was truly in a position that needed alot of flexibility. Joy was laughing at me and Jon was up ahead on the trail looking at me in that way that says and "what are you up to now!" Well I would say up to one hip in snow! Joy helped me extricate myself from the situation.

The sun was warm and brilliant and it was refreshingly cool but not at all cold. As usual the scenery was God's exclamation point on His imaginative creativity! It was so renewing and God knows my broken heart needed laughter and renewing!

On the way back I attempted to get a photo of the Crystal River along the trail with the running water contrasted against clumps of snow. I once again got off the trail to get the shot that I imagined would be perfect. (keep in mind I am not a photographer by any stretch of the imagination) This time I knelt in the snow thinking I would have less of a chance of sinking into the deeper snow. Well as I was getting my camera focused one knee (again the right leg) sunk completely into the snow. I let out a little tiny itsy bitsy scream. My friend responded, "Oh no you don't! Not here!" See I was close to the little bank and with the deeper snow it was impossible to know exactly where the edge was. She did not want to fish me out of the river. Starbuck my yellow lab ran to my rescue and sat right beside me in the snow. Once again Joy pulled me out of my self-inflicted dilemma. Where was Jon you ask? Up ahead on the trail watching with the look of there she goes again.

It seemed such a blessing to have a good time. Yet as those of you know who have lost someone close to you, that person is just under the surface of all your thoughts. But God in His great mercy, gives you moments of normalcy to help you through one more day.

"Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise Him all creatures here below. Praise Him above ye Heavenly Host. Praise Father Son and Holy Ghost."

Sorrow is a difficult thing. It colors your world in such a strange way. How can she be gone? It is not something to grasp all at once. If you did it would swallow you. Instead it comes in bits and pieces taking you to that place that brings only tears or deep silence for there are no words to properly describe it. In between the bits and pieces you go on with your life as best you can. For you know she would not want you to stop your daily living. Faith is the thread that gets you through the bits and pieces. Hope in the Resurrection is the truth that sustains you. But nothing takes her place. For God made a place in my heart for her. That place will always be hers, it will always be Megan's.

The Kiss.......There is this beautiful display that happens as the sun drops behind the mountains in the winter here in Marble. I suppose it is due to the tilt of the earth. It is especially beautiful in the midwinter, December and January. Now that it is February and the earth is making its subtle turn toward the spring equinox, it is still lovely but not quite the same in colors.

Out of my kitchen window I can see the Mountains, White House and behind it Treasure. White House is 11,000 plus some feet while Treasure (the first false summit which I can see) is 12,000 some feet. Now for those who have kept up with my experiences in our mountain village might recognize Treasure as the mountain that my chaplain friend had to pull me up with his belt and a rope. So I am thrilled that I can look out my kitchen window and see the point that I climbed and the summit that I stood upon.

Now that it is winter the two mountains are adorned in their winter snow pack. They are magnificent in all their moods and seasonal colors. But just for a very few minutes in the winter as the sun says its final good bye for the day, something quite exquisite happens. The tip of Treasure is touched by the final rays of the day and a wonderful display of pinks, deep mauves, and almost maroon but not quite, shines off the very top of the mountain. It moves me deeply every time I see it. It only lasts for a few short minutes and then the dark of night descends.

I call it the kiss. I call it God's kiss. The sun's final caress of the mountain is as if God brushes the earth with His lips to bring the day to an end. Often when I am tucked underneath the covers of my bed, my final prayer is Holy Spirit sweep through my soul and bring the comfort of soul that only You can bring so that I can sleep in the peace that only God can give. In other words let God brush His Holy lips across my soul, bringing the brilliance of peaceful colors of a day's end.

"But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14: 26-27

The Walk........We arrived back in Marble yesterday afternoon. This morning as I was having my quiet time and trying to get my head and heart around our family's loss, out of our front window I caught a glimpse of two critters running full speed through the spruce trees in front of our house. They were either quite large foxes in their winter coats or coyotes doing whatever coyotes or foxes do. Yes indeed I was back in Marble.

Later in the morning as the sun rose above the mountains I took Starbuck for a walk. The walk was as much for me as it was for her. I needed the solice of our mountain village. I needed its remoteness.

The sky was our brilliant winter blue clear and vast. The sun reflected off the snow revealing the crystalline snowflakes in a dazzling display of bright light. There was the sound of my footsteps crunching in the snow and a bird here and there and the sound of the creek's running water. It was Nature's sound, nature's music.

At Beaver Lake I saw the snow packed mountains in the distance and knew that I had hiked between them and up to the Yule Pass (11,700 ft) in the summer. I wondered what their winter would reveal if only you could get to them. Avalanche danger keeps you from them in the winter.

Then we ran into her. We have a very young lady in our community that walks her little dog every moring. We often run into her or walk with her as we walk Starbuck. She is one of God's masterpieces, sweet, somewhat vulnerable and always kind. She asked me if we had been out of town. I told her that we had returned home to bury our niece. I felt the grief rise just a little but still had control. Then she said, "I am so sorry, what was her name?" The question caught me off guard, I swallowed hard and responded," her name was Megan."

The tears came out of nowhere and I could not stop their flow. She immediately took off her sunglasses (we have to wear them to prevent snow blindness) and wrapped me in her tiny little arms. When she released me for some unfathomable reason I apologized for crying. She immediately hugged me again saying only that she was so very sorry.

Once I returned home I sat on my back deck soaking in the sun as if it was God's Light warming me. And then it dawned on me. She had become Jesus to me. Her arms were the arms of Jesus. Her words were His words. After all if Jesus lives within us do we not act with His hands, His arms, His words if we are sensitive enough to the Holy Spirit?

Yes, Megan was her name.......Megan is her name.......

"Come unto me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls." Matthew 11:28-29